Our Story
Hi! We’re Kyle and Nicole. We met in high school and continued dating all throughout college. After six years together, we got engaged in August 2017 and were married exactly one year later in August 2018 at a beautiful wedding in Carmel Valley, surrounded by our closest family and friends. We were so blessed to be able to take our dream honeymoon to Bora Bora and got pregnant with our first child in paradise just a few weeks later. Everything I had ever dreamed of was becoming a reality and I could not have been happier.
Our First Pregnancy.
There is nothing I have ever wanted more in my life than to become a mom - and it was finally happening! I could not have been more excited. My pregnancy was fairly “normal” - morning sickness fueled the first trimester, some Braxton Hicks contractions throughout the second trimester, and an uncomfortable crawl to the finish line in the third. I went into labor naturally at exactly 38 weeks and delivered our healthy 6 lb 2 oz baby girl, Kaylie Lynn. Giving birth to my daughter was undoubtedly the best moment of my life thus far. The second she was placed on my chest, I was overcome by this instant and overwhelming love that literally took my breath away. As a mom it truly feels like your heart is living outside of your body. It is a love I cannot explain and unlike anything I have ever experienced. She gave our life purpose and put everything into perspective. This little girl quickly became our entire world.
Our Second Pregnancy.
We got pregnant with our son, Owen, shortly after my daughter’s 1st birthday. We always knew we wanted to have children close in age, and we could not have been more thrilled to give our daughter a sibling and grow our family.
Our baby boy was growing healthy and strong and we had no sign of concern until my 20 week ultrasound, where the ultrasound technician discovered that my cervix was measuring short. I was put on progesterone as a cautionary measure, but reassured that this was most likely an incidental finding and nothing to be overly concerned about. One afternoon a few weeks later, the cramping escalated and I started to feel like I was developing the flu. I started getting full blown contractions overnight. Early that morning, I went to the ER and was immediately sent to labor and delivery for monitoring.
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I was so confident that everything was going to be okay and I would be sent home to rest. Never did it cross my mind that I was going to have my baby that day. I will never forget the look on the doctor’s face as she told me I was 4 cm dilated and in active labor. I was in absolute shock. I did not understand. I could feel my baby kicking around in my belly as they were saying this to me. He was perfectly healthy. It was truly the most out-of-body experience. I felt numb. The emotional pain was quickly met with the physical pain. The nurses quickly inverted my bed to relieve pelvic pressure, gave me steroids to try to strengthen his lungs, magnesium to try to slow labor contractions, multiple failed IVs from dehydration...Nothing was working. They tried to airlift me to Stanford Children’s Hospital, but I was progressing much too rapidly to safely transport.
The pediatric specialist in the NICU came to speak with us about Owen’s prognosis. Through a blur of statistics -- the outcome was not promising. We watched our baby boy’s heart beating so strongly on the monitor and knew he was perfectly safe inside of me. He would only be in danger if he was born, but there was no stopping him from coming. There was absolutely nothing we could do about it.
That afternoon on Jan. 2, 2021, I gave birth to our baby boy Owen at 23 weeks. He fought so
incredibly hard to hang on for us despite all the odds stacked against him. His heart was strong, but his lungs could not support him. Once we knew there was nothing that could be done to save him, the doctor brought him over and laid him on my chest. We got to spend 1.5 hours with him as he took his last breaths before he passed away in my arms.
I will forever cherish those precious moments we got to spend with Owen, being able to hold him and tell him how much we loved him. We said our final goodbyes and I had to watch the nurse carry him out of the room, knowing I would never see him again. It truly felt like a nightmare. This is the type of thing you only hear about. You never think it could happen to you.
Losing a baby is one of the most traumatic and isolating experiences a mother can endure. The most invaluable resource I’ve been given as I continue to walk this path of grief has been the support from those who have walked this path alongside me. It is so healing to share our stories, not only to honor our truth, but to allow others to realize that they are so not alone.
